Frustration

frus·trate (frstrt)
tr.v. frus·trat·ed, frus·trat·ing, frus·trates

  1. To prevent from accomplishing a purpose or fulfilling a desire; thwart: A persistent wind frustrated my attempt to rake the lawn.
  2. To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in.
  3. To make ineffectual or invalid; nullify.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think there is a worst feeling for me than being frustrated. It’s like a gut wrenching feeling I just can’t ignore. I’ve had three shitty nights sleep in a row. It tears me up inside. I know what I have to do, to accomplish my goal but I’m not getting an opportunity. Maybe I won’t get a second chance…

It feels like walking into a wall, over and over and over again. Every time you try, you lose a little confidence in your motives. I think it affects me so much because deep inside I’m only truly happy when things work out like I planned. Of course life is a much harsher reality.

But you know sitting here, at work, on another rainy day, listening to Nostrum – Brilliant, Mike Shiver – Feelings, and Conjure One – Tears from the Moon, I feel ever slightly better. Not better because this has accomplished my purpose but I’m just simply soothed by it.

Its hard to concentrate on studying for my exam. Its like a battle of epic proportions. Convoluted feelings, ideas, reality. But the music is oh-so soothing.

Couldn’t sleep so I went out walking
Thinking about you and hearing us talking
And all the things I should have said
Echo now, inside my head

I feel something falling from the sky
I’m so sad I made the angels cry

Tears from the moon
Fall down like rain
I reach for you
I reach in vain

Conjure One – Tears from the Moon

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