The pursuit of happiness

That’s happiness with a ‘i’, not a ‘y’.

A good movie, which is kind of appropriate and follows well with my previous post.

One day, a man was drowning in the water. And a boat came by and said, ‘Do you need any help?’
He said, ‘No, thank you. God will save me.’ Then another boat came by. said, ‘Do you need any help?’ And he said, ‘No, thank you. God will save me.’ Then he drowned, and he went to heaven.

And he said, ‘God, why didn’t you save me?’ And God said, ‘l sent you two big boats, you dummy.’

-Christopher

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Weird Result

I think I’ve ignored this issue long enough. It’s not that big of a deal but I’ve had a pretty dry week with not much exciting stuff to ponder. So I’ve decided to ponder about the following oddity…

As you might recall I had a date with this girl, we’ll call Sarah Jessica Parker. The connection is that one of her favorite shows is “Sex and the City” so I thought it was only fair. Anyway I stumbled onto Sarah on this dating site. I wasn’t actually actively searching for anybody on there, nor have I ever dated anybody off of the web. She looked cute, her profile said she was ambitious, so why not? I messaged her, we got some good rapport going. I added her on msn and we talked for a bit. I tried to keep conversations down to a minimum because I don’t like getting to know someone online, feels too two dimensional. Anyway everything seemed to be promising. She seemed attentive and interested, when we did chat it’d last for like 2 hours. It turned out that we knew a lot of the same people, everything seemed legit. So I talked to her a total of maybe 2-3 times then I was busy with work and gone for the weekend to Toronto. While in Toronto I decided to ask her out once I got back. That is exactly what I did when I got back. I even called her to chat and set up the time and place. Great everything seemed good.

Come Thursday 10 pm, I drove to meet her after work. It was a bloody cold day so that somewhat limited enjoyable possibilities. So I picked her up. Yes I have to admit I was abnormally anxious and nervous. Mostly because I had never met anyone from online and she seemed like a pretty great girl. Now here is where it gets interested, or doesn’t …

So we met and nothing happened. Internally I mean. I didn’t feel an extreme attraction or anything. In fact if I was to describe the situation it would be completely neutral. We grabbed some coffee/tea walked around the cold and windy streets of Ottawa. We ended up sneaking into a local mall to defrost and perhaps grab some drinks. That didn’t happen either as a bunch of stuff was closing for maintenance. All the while we were talking about a variety of subjects but nothing “exciting”. I don’t mean to make it seem like it was her fault but it just didn’t feel like we had established a physical rapport (maybe because it was cold) but both of us were clearly in reserve mode. Later we migrated to a local bubble tea place (which one of my friends recommended) and finally took a seat. I managed to spill a drink on myself twice but what can you do. So we talked and talked but I had a feeling that we were running dry of simple talk. Neither of us got personal so when the bubble place was closing at quarter to twelve we headed for the cash. Here comes the most exciting part of the evening.

As we were walking to the cash I put my hand on her back and said that I’d cover it. She said something which I didn’t quite hear. I figured we’d decided to pay of ourselves. Apparently not. She told me she’d pay for it. I said we’d split it? She said that since I drove she’d pay for it. Uhh ok, I’m not exactly poor plus I asked her out so I’d really appreciate it being on me. I said I’d pay once more she declined so I said that she can pay if she insists. She said she does. Ok fine, what am I going to wrestle you for the cheque? I’m certainly not. So I didn’t and she paid for it. The walk back to my car we started to talk about why she paid for it but somehow the subject got switched and I didn’t bring it back up. I realized it was quite chilly (windy) and figured hey I’ll offer her my jacket after all she was dressed more to impress than to keep herself warm. Declined again. Fine by me, my job is to offer right?

We made it back to my car, I was still kind of not very impressed by her performance so I stuck out my hand for a handshake because obviously there was no click. She said she’d give me a hug as though she was doing me a favor? Uh ok sure a hug no problem. She made some last moment remarks about staying in touch or something like that and I just squeezed in if she needed a ride back to her place? She declined yet once more. Fine, great, really I don’t mind I was offering for her sake. I got in my car and drove home extra fast so that I could catch a bit more Zzz. That gives you an idea of how there wasn’t any connection there at all.

A day and some went by, I decided to post on her wall and poke her. I posted saying how I couldn’t believe she did “that” with a πŸ˜› face and said I hoped she survived the cold. A day later I checked back to her wall wondering why she hasn’t responded (she was always quick at responding). What I found was that my wall post had disappeared. Ok so maybe it was a fluke? A few more days went by and I decided to poke her for good measure to see if maybe it wasn’t a technical mishap. No response … Of course now it is pretty evident of what has happened. I’m pretty sure she’s blocked me on msn as well. However it doesn’t bother me on an emotional level, it’s just kind of strange for somebody who seemed so well balanced to be acting in such a way. I’ve attempted to extract logical reasoning from why she might have taken such a negative stance but I decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

Considering the fact that she was the one who told me to keep in touch and then this? ahh you girls πŸ˜‰

Makes you wonder

I posted on her wall last night. This morning I was browsing her profile, not sure why I was, but funny thing is that my post has disappeared …

I can’t believe you did that πŸ˜›
hope you survived the cold

… is what it said. At least I think that’s what I posted, maybe I didn’t actually post and rather imagined posting? Nah, no way I’m crazy. So I’m sure there is a perfectly good reason as to why it has disappeared but I can’t help but wonder.

When you get the impression that things are too good to be true, yet more proof that they probably are.

No click

So I suppose that I should be disappointed but unbelievably I’m not. There was all this lead up to the date which now in hindsight makes me seem just stupid.

That is the part that doesn’t leave me disappointed. I’m glad we went out, I’m glad I made mistakes. In hindsight I could have played it differently but at the same time I just know there wasn’t a spark between us.

We talked about a lot of stuff but to be honest none of it was really relevant, rather just time fillers. I managed to let her pay for bubble tea, which I’m kinda shocked by. I mean she said since I drove she’d cover it, but I mean c’mon I didn’t want to wrestle her to pay, she insisted so I said ok, we’re all adults here. Makes me feel kinda wonky but what can you do. She didn’t want to owe me anything, I understand, that’s fine by me.

So overall, she was a great girl and all but the energy that I put thinking about it was not worth it (what else is new I know). She’s ambitious and I’m ambitious just not in tune.

Anyway long story short, glad I went, but I’ll keep fishing.

Lesson learned, finish with a hug.

Just do it

Sitting here at work, I’ve come to understand my self a bit better. I’ve realized that when something of importance has to take place, the part that annoys me the most, is waiting to do whatever it is that I have to do.

I guess that’s what happens when you put importance into the wrong aspects of situations. – ш

Truth

Being nice is easy, being indifferent is hard.

How do you act indifferent to a girl that you fancy? Seems like an impossible task. For a lot of people it makes more sense to accommodate for her every move in hopes of getting her to like you. People are odd. I’m sure you’ve had the experience of when you found out that somebody had a crush on you. If that person is very open about it, complements you on your every step and tries to make you see how they are willing to do anything for you, you will have lost interest instantly.

Guys reside in only two categories, as far as women are concerned. You’re either dating material or you’re everybody else. Initially every guy has a shot at the dating material zone but for the majority of us that quickly changes. Once you’re exiled from the dating material category, you’re a goner. There have been documented cases of returns however they are as rare as reincarnations. The reason that most guys get a shot at the dating material category is because, despite what you think, she has no idea about who you are, what you’re like and what you are about. Yes that’s right, mystery is your strongest weapon.

Say too much, too soon and you have been demystified. It doesn’t matter if you think so or not. You have to remember that people judge each other constantly. Whenever we get a new piece of information about someone, it shapes our feelings about them. The more we know, the less we care. Just like when reading a book, you start at the beginning and work your way through.

This obviously relates to my post yesterday, less is more young grasshopper, less is more.

A lame sort of day

Today I woke up in one of those moods. Those moods where everything seems bland, you’re tired the daily grind and really the only remedy seems to just keep sleeping because thinking about anything is just annoying.

This feeling comes on the heels of yesterday, a day which was full of too much emotion. I called her to setup our date, so as you can imagine being at work all day, I spent too much thinking about the wrong thing.

The rule is that such a phone call should really only last about 10 minutes max. I managed to even fuck that up. I knew going in that I would have to keep it short and sweet but somewhere I lost track of things. I ended up talking to her for around 50 minutes. I was quite pissed with my unacceptable performance, but that’s ok I tell my self today. You live you fuck up and you learn. Gotta remember, failure is key. That thought certainly still does make you feel better. Suddenly failure is an accomplishment all to itself. Everybody likes to accomplish something. Anyways I digress. Towards the end of her questions and stories and my willingness to answer them I finally remembered what I called her for in the first place. So she ran through her week and apparently she’s busy pretty much everyday with one thing or another. In the end it was going to be Friday but I bumped it up to Thursday night. That gives me two days to spend thinking about anything else.

Honestly today I woke up wondering why I care so much. I still don’t know, feels like there is stuff that has to get sorted out. The lesson being of course, keep it short and sweet, around ten minutes maximum. I doesn’t matter if you’re having a good conversation, make some shit up and say that you have to go, make you plans and get on with it. You will not only feel proud but your ego will be strong. Yes it may not be easy, or seem like the proper thing to do, but trust me, you have to leave people wanting more. Being satisfied is boring, being thirsty is what propels us. Obviously don’t think that it’s a big deal, I mean just look at me, I messed it up but I live another day. So if you don’t believe me, please feel free to do it your own way. Of course the main reason that I say all this is for the simple fact that you don’t want to invest too much time into a relationship away from actual dates. Remember everybody’s best game is, and what actually counts the most is on the dates themselves. However if you talk to her on the phone for way too long, or on msn, you risk ruining your first impression.

If you do “mess up” and talk to her for an hour instead of 10 minutes be ready for a whiplash of hindsight. You will look back and think, had you only done this or that differently then the outcome will have had a much more positive potential. Ignore and don’t dwell on hindsight. Yes you could have, yes you should have but at the end of the day you might still get lucky. Even if you don’t (chances of getting lucky are not really all that high) then make a notch on your experience belt, straighten yourself out and move forward. Because if there is anything I learned, it’s that to be happy with anything, you have to earn it. When we get things for free, or without effort we do not appreciate them because we do not understand what it takes to obtain them. So the biggest gift of all, is the experience that you gain on your way to the goal. Your goal is just the light at the end of the tunnel that is the icing on the cake.

You are the prize πŸ˜‰