Phyllis Diller – “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

“Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.”

Bob Hope – “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”

Totie Fields – “I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.”

Marquis de Vauvenargues – “The things we know best are the things we haven’t been taught.”

“Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there.”

Mignon McLaughlin – “No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you’ll see why.”

Dale Carnegie – “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”

Evan Esar – “Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.”

Dag Hammarskjold – “Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find the right road.”

Steven Wright – “There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”

Jean Rostand – “My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of the pessimists.”

Mitch Hedberg – “I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.”

Wendell Johnson – “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.”

Norman Vincent Peale – “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”

Mark Twain – “When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

Tony Robbins – “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

Bo Jackson – “Set your goals high, and don’t stop till you get there.”

HG Wells – “If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.”

Paul van Dyk –  “You don’t listen to trance, you feel it.”


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